Resources for Friends and Support People
The first person a survivor talks to can have a big impact on their healing. Many survivors choose to tell a close friend or family member first.
How you respond matters. Some survivors are met with blame or disbelief when they share their story, which can be very hurtful and make the trauma worse.
This page is a great place to start learning how to support someone you care about. You don’t have to have all the answers just showing you care makes a difference.
How to Support a Survivor
How to Be Supportive
- Believe them. Let them know you trust what they’re saying.
- Listen. Give them space to talk and share their feelings without pressure.
- Validate their feelings. Let them know it’s okay to feel how they feel, and remind them they did what they needed to survive.
- Offer help and resources. Share options, but let them make their own choices.
- Speak up against self-blame. If they blame themselves, remind them it’s not their fault.
- Encourage a support system. Help them connect with others they trust.
- Respect what they want to share. Let them tell you as much—or as little—as they’re comfortable with.
- Support their choices. Whether they report or not, stand by them.
- Let them define their experience. However they describe what happened is valid.
What to Avoid
- Don’t question their story. Trust that they’re telling the truth.
- Don’t ignore or downplay their pain. What they went through matters.
- Don’t rush their healing. Everyone heals in their own time.
- Don’t blame them for what someone else did. The harm was not their fault.
- Don’t shame them for what happened. No one asks to be hurt.
- Don’t judge their choices or feelings. Be kind and open.
- Don’t press for details. You’re there to support, not investigate.
Self-Care Resources
Caring For Yourself, While Supporting Others
Supporting someone after a traumatic experience can be hard on you, too. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed or unsure.
ASAP is here for you as well. We can help you find ways to take care of yourself and support your loved one. If you have questions or just need someone to talk to, give us a call or visit our office.
Be Informed, Be Supportive
One of the best ways to help survivors is to learn more about gender-based violence and the resources that are out there. Our website has more information about the different types of gender-based violence and where survivors can find help
Schedule a Workshop
Prevention Through Education
At ASAP, we believe preventing sexual violence, relationship abuse, and stalking is just as important as responding to it. Our goal is to help create a culture of consent—where respect, safety, and safe and secure relationships are the norm.
Through prevention education, we give students the tools they need to support each other, speak up, and build healthier communities.
ASAP staff and interns lead interactive workshops on topics like consent, bystander intervention, safe and secure relationships, and gender-based violence. We present to student groups, classes, departments, and residence halls.
If you’d like to request a presentation, please fill out the workshop request form linked below. Give us 2–3 business days to get back to you.