Supporting Victims/Survivors

Tips for Family and Friends

What can I expect?
The initial shock following a crime, sudden death, or other trauma is a harsh and painful reality for everyone involved. However, everyone reacts differently when faced with crisis. Some common reactions may include:

Shock, disbelief, numbness
Anxiety, panicky feelings
Feeling lost, difficulty concentrating
Irritability, tearfulness, or anger
Blaming, self-doubt, guilt
Sleeping disturbances, loss of appetite
Flashbacks, unwanted memories
Depression and sadness
Withdrawal and isolation
Relationship problems
Unexplained physical pain
Confusion, gaps in memory
Difficulty making decisions
Decreased ability to concentrate or focus, feeling distracted
Disassociation with surroundings

To learn more about trauma, please consider these resources:
Help Guide: Emotional and Psychological Trauma
RAINN: Sexual Violence Effects

More Support Tips for Friends and Family

What can Family and Friends Do?
Remember that your loved one has just experienced a stressful event, regardless of how they may be acting now.

Listen carefully to them.
Allow them to share what they are feeling.
Do what you can to help them feel safe.
Avoid statements that may make the victim feel they were to blame for the crime.
Reassure them that it was not their fault.
Allow them to take control back over their own lives and be there to support them.

People wo care about the victims can often feel stress too. Do not be afraid to seek help for your own needs.

Tips for Employees

As a faculty or staff member, you might be the person a student or colleague trusts to share their experience. It can be difficult to know someone who has experienced gender-based violence. It is important to remember they may have had their power and control taken away from them during the experience. You can help them start to regain control by listening to them, asking if they would like information and options, and always respect their decisions.

You should let the person disclosing know if you are a mandatory reporter for the school and/or a Campus Security Authority. Being transparent about your level of confidentiality is important to allowing the victim/survivor to choose the path they are most comfortable with.

Everyone reacts and heals differently after experiencing a traumatic event. It is important to remember there is no time limit on their healing, and to continue to be supportive while they continue to process and heal. The best course of action to help someone is to ask them what they need and offer to connect them with professional support. Below are suggestions for ways to navigate how to help:

Do's:

Believe what they tell you, and let them know that you believe them.
Listen when they talk and make them feel comfortable when expressing feelings.
Validate their feelings. Reassure them that what they did to survive was right for them.
Offer resources, but support them in whatever choice they make.
Counteract self-blaming statements.
Help the survivor build a strong support network.
Validate their experience and their feelings.
Let them share as much or as little as they are comfortable with.
Support the decisions they make around reporting or not reporting.
Recognize their right to label their experience however feels best for them.

Dont's:

Make statements that question their experience.
Invalidate their pain and suffering.
Get impatient if they don’t immediately “recover”.
Hold them responsible for the actions of the perpetrator.
Blame/shame them for having been targeted for sexual abuse or assault in the first place.
Be judgmental.
Interrogate them—you are not investigators.

It is important to continue to check in with the individual. Talk with them to see what seems most helpful moving forward. Sometimes individuals want to talk and process their experience, and sometimes they want to work toward returning to their normal routines, interactions, etc. Be open to their decisions and provide as much support as you can.

Employees can seek support from the Assault Survivors Advocacy Program (ASAP) and the Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)

To learn more about supporting a student or colleague, please consider these resources:

RAINN: Help Someone You Care About
National Domestic Violence Hotline: Help for Friends and Family
Love is Respect: Help a Coworker
Responsible Employee Information
Ways Faculty and Staff can support

Taking Care of Yourself

Supporting a friend, family member, colleague, or student who has experience sexual assault, interpersonal violence, and/or stalking can be tough and can have an impact on the individual providing support. It is important to prioritize your self-care so that you can support them. Even if the individual is not ready to seek support, you can access confidential support for yourself. Here are some resources that can help you process, explore impact, and connect with help and support you might be needing. These resources can offer guidance

Assault Survivors Advocacy Program (ASAP) / On-Campus / Confidential / M-F 9 a.m. – 5 p.m.

ASAP Website / ASAP Email / Main: 970-351-1490 / 24/7: 970-351-4040

Located within Cassidy Hall 2^nd Floor (1901 10^th Ave)
To schedule an appointment, you can call or email the office. Walk-ins are available M-F 9 a.m. – 5 p.m.
This resource is for all students (undergraduate, graduate, professional and doctoral), faculty, staff, alumni, and concerned others

Ombudsperson – Johnny Armijo / On-Campus / Non-Confidential / By appointment

Ombuds Email / Phone: 970-351-1367

Located in Student Affairs and Equity & Inclusion (1862 10^th Ave)
This resource is for all faculty and staff
To make an appointment visit here

UNC Counseling Center / On-Campus / Confidential / M-F 8:00 am -12:00 pm & 1:00 am -5:00 pm

Counseling Center Website / Counseling Center Email / Office and After-Hours Phone: 970-351-2496

Contact for Employee Assistance Programs (EAP)
Located within Cassidy Hall 2^nd Floor (1901 10^th Ave)
To schedule an initial visit you may call or submit an initial consultation form
For emergent crisis assistance walk-ins are available from 9:00 am to 11:00 am and 1:00 pm to 4:00 pm
This resource is for all students (undergraduate, graduate, professional and doctoral), faculty and staff

Colorado Coalition Against Sexual Assault (CCASA) / Confidential by phone

CCASA Website / CCASA Email / Phone: 303-839-9999

Does not provide direct services to victims/survivors but can help in finding additional direct service providers.
Services include: providing appropriate referrals to direct service providers

RAINN / Confidential by phone/ Available 24/7

RAINN Website / 24/7 Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

Services include: information about sexual assault, abuse, and incest; 24/7 crisis line available via phone or online chat, information on state legislation, and providing additional resources on consent education and prevention

National Domestic Violence Hotline / Confidential by phone, text, or online chat / Available 24/7

Domestic Violence Hotline Website / Phone: 1-800-799-7233 / Texting Line: Text “START” to 88788

Services include: information about domestic violence, how to be supportive of victims, shelter and assistance information, and safety planning

What can a trauma response look like?

Flashbacks: temporarily losing touch with reality and feelings as if you are reliving the trauma in the present moment
Dissociation: detaching from reality, which some may describe as an “out of body” experience
Hypervigilance: being overly aware of your surroundings, as if all your senses are on high alert
Intrusive Thoughts or Memories: thoughts or memories of the trauma that are overwhelming and make it difficult to think about other things
Nightmares: unpleasant or frightening dreams, often directly or indirectly related to the trauma

It is not uncommon for individuals to have internal or external reminder cues (triggers) of the event. These can occur through any of the five senses.

Individuals often describe various ways they did or did not respond in the moment of a trauma. When an individual’s brain and body recognize they are no longer feeling safe or comfortable, they might respond in a few different ways. There is no “right” way to respond, and any response they have is valid. Sometimes individuals describe their response in these ways:

Fight Response

Fight types protect themselves from threat through conflict.
Those that tend towards the fight response believe that if they establish power over the threat, it will result in security and control.
Behaviors that might indicate this trauma response are:

Crying
Hands in fists, desire to punch
Flexed/tight jaw, grinding teeth
Fight in eyes, glaring, fight in voice
Desire to stomp, kick, smash with legs, feet
Feelings of anger/rage
Knotted stomach/nausea, burning stomach

Flight Response

Flight types protect themselves from threat through escape.
Those that engage in this trauma response, cope with a threat by running from or fleeing the situation.
Behaviors that might indicate this trauma response are:

Restless legs, feet /numbness in legs
Anxiety/shallow breathing
Big/darting eyes
Leg/foot movement
Reported or observed fidgety-ness, restlessness, feeling trapped

Freeze Response

Freeze types protect themselves from threat through dissociation.
When faced with a threatening situation, those that tend towards this trauma response unconsciously detach from the situation by “freezing”, or spacing out.
Behaviors that might indicate this trauma response are:

Feeling stuck in some part of the body
Feeling cold/frozen, numb, pale skin
Sense of stiffness, heaviness
Holding breath/restricted breathing
Sense of dread, heart pounding
Decreased heart rate (can sometimes increase)

Fawn Response (newer to the field and not as researched)

Fawn types protect themselves from threat through placation.
Those that tend to the fawn response avoid or deal with conflict through “people-pleasing.”
Behaviors that might indicate this trauma response are:

For more information on Trauma response visit the Human Relations Institute & Clinics

What are some ways to manage a trauma response?

Flashbacks, hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts or memories, and nightmares are all common reactions to a traumatic event or experience. They take individuals out of the present and often make them feel as if they are reliving the incident. Using grounding techniques and practicing mindfulness may be helpful for someone who has experienced trauma responses. It can also help to connect with professional support in exploring effective coping strategies. Below are a few exercises individuals might find helpful in grounding themselves in the present moment.

Shift your sensory experience(s)

Sight: What are 5 things you can see from where you are? Describe them in detail.
Taste: Does drinking something cold or hot or eating something sweet or sour bring you into the present?
Touch: Do you have an animal you can pet? Or a stress ball or toy you can fidget with? Can you transfer a piece of ice from one hand to the other? Can you go outside and notice any change in temperature or sit in the sun?
Smell: Can you redirect your attention by focusing the smell of aromatherapy oils, candles, or your favorite food? Do you have a scented bar of soap you can smell?
Sounds: What do you hear in this moment? Is there someone you trust you can call to talk? Do you have a playlist? Can you try a mobile phone app for meditation or a soothing sound?

Reorient yourself to the present space and time

Ask yourself questions such as:
Where am I?
What is today?
What is the date?
What is the weather like?
What is something I have already done today or am planning to do?

Sometimes individuals find it helpful to do something comfortable or distracting such as:

Seeking social support
Listening to music
Curl up under a blanket
Cuddling with a pet or stuffed toy
Taking a bath
Using art, journaling, or another creative outlet to process
Calling a support person
Engaging in a spiritual practice
Watching a non-triggering movie or show
Reading a book
Practicing self-compassion

To learn more about managing and coping with trauma, please consider these resources:

Help Guide: Coping with Emotional and Psychological Trauma
Love is Respect: Grounding Exercises
RAINN: Self-Care After Trauma

Violence and Identities

Any individual can experience gender-based violence, regardless of their identities. Unfortunately, individuals of marginalized communities often face higher rates of gender-based violence and can face additional difficulties in seeking help and support. Violence intersects with the different identities an individual holds and can impact how someone experiences violence and/or harassment, responds to trauma, accesses help and support, makes decisions about reporting, or moves forward in their coping and healing.

Harassment, sexual violence, interpersonal violence, sexual exploitation, and stalking involve an imbalance of power and control dynamics among individuals. Identities such as race, class, ability, and gender are often used to maintain unhealthy and abusive power over an individual and perpetrate harm. Individuals who cause harm and engage in violence in this way may also use someone’s identities against them to prevent someone from reporting or seeking help. Individuals impacted by various forms of violence are the experts in their experiences and may have a variety of different needs related or unrelated to their gender, sexual orientation, race, religion, national origin, abilities, and other identities.

Resources on campus and in the community included on this site can help individuals process their experiences and impact and help identify support and resources specific to their needs.

Supporting Victims/Survivors

Do's:

Dont's:

To learn more about managing and coping with trauma, please consider these resources:

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