Jump to main content

Masculinity and Disordered Eating

February 22, 2021

[intro music playing]
Elliot: Hello, and welcome to the very first episode of the Sex, Drugs, & Self Care podcast! My name’s Elliot, and I am so excited that you’re here and even more excited to introduce you to the legendary, iconic Rosie Glaser! Rosie uses she/her pronouns, she’s the sexual health educator for CPE, she also organizes events for the university and is even the lead organizer for a menstrual equity project called Project M.E., which we’ll talk about later in the season. For now, we’re talking about the new year, self-improvement, and how tired we are, and how okay it is if you’re tired too. Come join us at our kitchen table. 
[music plays out, ends]

Elliot: Let’s set the scene, you know, it is January 4th of 2021… 

Rosie: Yeah, POV, we are sitting at our dining room table, which is cool that we have space for that? (laughter) Um, you are propped up on a cart right now and we’re just hanging out! It’s like the middle of the day and we’ve got our coffee. I just watched a YouTube video where someone I really like talked about, like, the things they’re leaving behind in 2020? It’s this YouTuber, her account is like, @The Personal Philosophy Project, but she talked about attainable things, like, in a non-shame-y way that she’s trying to leave behind. And it really got me thinking about what I’m trying to leave behind!

E: Yeah!

R: Is there anything that you want to leave behind in 2020? 

E: Ooh, that’s so interesting. Hmm. Can you tell me a little bit more about, like, what she was talking about and like what makes something attainable in that way I guess? 

R: Yeah! So essentially she was talking about like, it’s tough to give up procrastination or to say you’ll do that. But she was like, “Oh, I think something attainable I can do is like, really try not to overschedule myself by like mapping out my interests and the projects I want to see through, and like working from there. And I thought that was really neat! 

E: Yeah, absolutely. That is a really good way to put it, I think I’ve been having similar thoughts. I don’t know, on one hand, I am very much like, “Okay, this is a big year, and if we get through the end surviving? Massive overwhelming success. Throw a huge party, you did great.” And also, I want to just try to stop talking about doing stuff and thinking about what I want to do and actually, like, see what I can do to make it happen. And also, like, leaving behind the idea that something has to be absolutely perfect for you to start pursuing it. Like I wanna give myse-- (mispronounces, laughter). I wanna give myself a lot of room to mess up this year, I think. 

R: Yeah! Oh, totally. Oh my gosh, okay, yeah, my TikTok algorithm has been full of self-improvement videos and like, people’s goals and resolutions for 2021. Yeah, it’s so important to use like, some of those skills as a tool for self-reflection, but not all the time. And it’s weird when it’s constantly on your phone or something, people talking about ways they can be better, it’s hard to not compare yourself to it. 

E: Right, exactly. I feel like, all things considered, if we’re sitting here right now, we’re doing okay. 

R: Yeah, I hope so! 

E: Yeah! And I think I just, yeah. I wanna, like, ~celebrate the moment more in 2021~


E: Like I just wanna exist, I’m simply tired of thinking, I just wanna vibe and do good stuff. 

R: Yeah, totally. I just want to do, like, whatever I think is cool as long as it’s not hurting anyone or myself! I’m so sick of thinking about how I can be better all the time. 

E: Right. 

R: I’m just trying to be… have you seen that like, the thing that Justin Bieber posted? 

E: (laughing) No!

R: (laughing) Yeah, he was literally like, (dramatic voice) “Ugh, human beings, are not human doings, they need to just be.” And it was so silly, and my twitter timeline was full of people just like, kind of,  not roasting him I guess but a little bit? And talking about like, how close he is to like… (laughter) unpacking class consciousness and stuff, but how far. 


E: Oh my god. 2021 bingo card, Justin Bieber publicly identifies himself as a leftist. (laughter) Let’s see if it happens.

R: I’m putting it down, I’m giving it until June. 

E: Yeah! 


E: Okay, so, speaking of wanting to be in the moment and not worry about being better all the time, what do you feel like you’re doing a really good job of right now? 

R: That’s… that’s a great question, I, I wasn’t expecting that question.


R: Um, god. It can be so tough to think of like, the things you’re doing well and I really really sometimes struggle with that and get, like, super down on myself. Um, but I think something that I’m doing well of, especially over break, is just like taking time after work hours to like, actually not think about work, and that’s been such a game changer for me. I also think that I’ve been good at like, really trying to stick to the things that I say I’m going to do. That’s a pretty big resolution of mine for this upcoming year, and so I feel like, if I say I’m gonna do something on a certain day, I’ll try really hard to make sure I do it, and that’s something that I’m really proud of! What about you, what do you feel like are things that you’re doing good at right now? 

E: Yeah, that’s awesome. That’s so admirable and inspiring. (laughter) Um, what do I feel like I am…? It’s hard to say because I feel like break has been such a “just chillin” sorta state for me, but I think… I think maybe that is something I’m doing good at, because we needed to rest a little bit, you know? Um, I think I have also been doing a good job of like, hanging out with friends and really investing in my relationships, and yeah! I don’t know. 

R: Totally! Well that’s so important and I feel like something really cool to carry in the semester. I feel like break is always fun because you get the chance to connect with people that you maybe didn’t super have time for during the semester. And obviously it’s weird right now with everything, like covid and still being in a phase of quarantine. But like, I don’t know, I think that it’s become less cringy to me to meet with my friends over zoom and do those things. I’ve become more comfortable with it, and that feels really good. 

E: Totally, yeah. I’m really excited, um, sirens, nerd alert…

R: (gasps) Yes.

E: I started playing like, a tabletop RPG with some of my friends over zoom, like “Dungeons and Dragons”-esque stuff, and it’s been really fun! It was really awkward the first session just because it was like something I’d never done, and it was like, this is all virtual and weird. But it’s really cool, cause it’s like a scheduled thing where it’s like, “okay, I’m gonna set aside several hours to just go hang out with my friends and play pretend, basically.” (laughing)

R: Yeah, totally! 

E: And it’s really fun! And I’m excited because, like, I think that’s a thing I want to work on this semester because the semester is gonna be wild for me workload wise. I want to make sure that I also just schedule times for things that I want to do. 

R: Totally. I think it’s so awesome that you found, like, a creative social outlet that is still safe and cool and a way for you to like, I don’t know! (sigh) I don’t know if, like, “try new things” is the right way to put it, but I don’t know. I think it can be so cool and empowering to like, kind of feel awkward about a new thing and then to like, stick with it and get good at it, and it’s so awesome that you found that. 

E: Thank you! Yeah! I think that’s a thing, I don’t know if you can relate to this, but I feel like sometimes when I try something new for the first time and I’m not immediately good at it, it’s like “Oh god, this is soooo embarrassing.” (laughter) Nobody should see this, I should not be doing this, and it’s just such a, like “If nobody’s profiting off this thing I’m doing, what’s the point? I can’t sell this, I’m not good at it!” (laughter) 

R: Oh my god, absolutely. If I can’t be a girl boss at it, why do I even wanna do it?

E: Exactly. 

R: Yeah, starting new things is so weird and cringey. I literally just learned how to ride a bike like, last year. Because for so long I was like, “I don’t want to ever have to… I don’t want to learn it! That’s so embarrassing, what if I fall?” You know? 

E: Yeah!

R: And stuff like that. I don’t know, I definitely am a perfectionist. And I don’t know if that resonates with you or like, with you if you’re listening to this, but I really struggle with being bad at something. Like, to a point where if I’m just bad at it, I’ll just like, in my head put it in a box of “Okay, cool, I’m not good at this thing, so I’m gonna actively avoid and not do things that involve this thing.” 

E: Totally. 

R: And I guess it’s really important to be mindful of like, your strengths and weaknesses and stuff. But I think like, not when you’re really mean to yourself, no! 

E: For sure, yeah! It’s hard to separate out, like, the feelings of “Oh I’m not good at this and that embarrasses me,” versus like, how I actually feel about the activity or like, thing I’m trying to do. You know? Yeah, I don’t know. It’s strange.

R: Yeah, totally. It is strange. Um, yeah, I don’t know! Have you like, picked up any like, cool – or not even necessarily cool – but like, fulfilling hobbies this year that you want to carry into the rest of the year? I guess maybe last year that you want to carry in, but you know what I mean. 

E: Right. Yeah! Um, I think I’ve been trying to do some like, art journaling. Like, just sort of combining like, okay, here’s what’s happening and what I’m feeling, and then making silly little comics about it or like, just collaging a bunch of stuff, or being like “ahhhh, my feelings are these scribbles,” and whatever. 

R: Yeah, totally. 

E: And it’s nice, it feels good! 

R: Yeah, no, that’s so cool. Art journaling is so (bleep) cool. I think that like, it’s so neat and such a cool way to connect like, visual art with writing and other things! And it’s like so physical, which is awesome. 

E: Right! And I think something that I would not say I have a hold on yet, but am starting to try to do that’s been really helpful – I don’t know, just trying to like, pay more attention to what actually makes my body feel good and stuff. 

R: Yeah, totally. 

E: Like, I really want to find a way to move my body that is just fun and that I really like.

R: Yesss, joyful movement!

E: Joyful movement, baby! 

R: Yeaahh! What are some movements right now that you think feel good for ya? 

E: Um, sometimes running, but I have to be in exactly the right mood. I really like riding my bike, I really like longboarding – I wanna get a skateboard and learn to skate so bad, I think it would be so fun. 

R: (whispering) Yes, yessss, that would be so cool. 

E: Yeah! And just like, running around the apartment with my dog, Pancake, and just like taking  time to really actively play with him is fun too. And dancing, I really like to dance. 

R: Yeah, totally. Oh my god, absolutely, TikTok dances for the win. 

E: Yeah, what about you? 

R: Hmm, what about me… umm, okay! I love doing this thing – so I love to like, daydream and stuff like that. And like, when I listen to music, I never outgrew this habit from being a kid of like, envisioning the music video with it. And so something that I love to do when the weather’s nice and it’s not super snowy, sometimes even when it is snowy, is like, I’ll walk around our neighborhood and I’ll put on one album. And then I’ll picture like, I don’t know, I’ll kind of picture myself in the houses or how I would decorate the houses, or like, how the song could incorporate into the house or something like that. Like, I’ll just use my surroundings as like a set for the music video I’m listening to! And I think that that is so fun, and just a way to like, daydream for an hour while also moving. Obviously it’s important to be careful and like, to make sure you’re being mindful of the street, but that’s something that I love doing. 

E: That is so cool, and so fun! I love doing that, that’s so cool. 

R: Yeah! Totally! And it’s just so fun to like, put on like, a playlist or an album and just walk around. And I loooove being nosey and looking at houses and stuff. Especially right around Glenmere Park, they have such cute houses. And I love thinking about, like, what people were thinking as they were building them. I think it’s so neat. Um, in high school I took like, an interior design class, and in that class we had to learn all the different types of roofs and like, different types of gutters (laughing) and window names and stuff like that. And um, I don’t know! I think it’s so neat seeing like, the houses around our neighborhood and like what style they were in and what year they were built. And I think it’s cool how you can see when things in Greeley, our town, like really started to get built. I think it’s so neat. 

E: Yeah! That is so cool. 

R: Yeah! But I think that’s a way I really like to move, is to do something where I can be thinking about something else that doesn’t have anything to do with like, work or school or what I have going on. Just like, the braaain, my brain. (laughter) 

E: Right, just time for you. 

R: Yeah, totally. 

E: Yeah, I wanted to ask you, um, what does the phrase “self care” mean to you? Like, what does it bring up for you, and also like, if you practice it or feel like you do, how do you do that? 

R: Yeah, totally, that is a great question. I think that… I was actually just talking to my friend Alyssa about this, and we were talking about how for us, self care has really started to mean, like, doing the things we don’t want to do, like not procrastinating I guess. So I think for me, self care really looks like going to sleep an hour earlier, or like,  almost being like a really nice parent to myself. 

E: Totally! 

R: I think that’s what it looks like for me, what about you? 

E: Yeah. Um, I think those same things, yeah. Like, self care is holding myself accountable to like, move in the direction that like, takes me closer to my goals and the ways I want to feel and stuff. And also, I think I’ve gotten a little bit less amped about like, self care as… not…. Ugh, okay. This is a very complicated thing to say. I think that I have a problem with self care being like, the solution you’re handed especially when it comes from things like a job you’re working. Or like, if you’re really really stressed academically and it’s like, everything is absurd and they’re like, “Oh, well here’s some self care resources!” It’s like okay, that’s great and that helps, but it’s kind of just like, putting a bandaid on the thing and also maybe making you responsible for the damage that something else is bringing into your life. Which is, like… I mean obviously we have to be responsible for ourselves and take control of what we’re doing and how we’re managing the stress in our lives. And also, things like online classes which are so much harder, and it’s like, oh I’ve been beating myself up so much because I feel like maybe I’m not performing at the same level I was when we were able to do traditional in-person classes. Or like, “Oh, I can’t keep up with this syllabus, there’s so much reading, and I also have all these jobs and tasks” and… (goofy Italian/New York accent) when are ya supposed to do it all? 

R: (goofy Italian/New York accent) When the heck do ya have the time? 

E: Exactly! And it’s like, okay, you know, maybe self care is also working at the source of your problem to figure out like, do maybe syllabuses need to be adjusted, like is there a way we can approach this that’s better? You know? I don’t know if that makes sense.

R: Yeah, totally! Oh god, that makes perfect sense. I think you put into words so well that like, it’s so important to like… I don’t know. I think self care is like also really tied to being honest with yourself and transparency, and also maybe having tough conversations with things that challenge things that don’t allow you to fully practice self care. Yeah! Thank you so much for sharing that, you put it in such a great way, and I think that self care can even be like --- yeah, is actually 100% like, I don’t know, taking it easy on yourself and also noting things with the things around you that are inhibiting it. 

E: Yeah, for sure. And even if it’s not like an action step, I feel like a huge thing that sorta helped me out last semester with just like, staying sane and not burning myself for the sake of a grade, (laughter) is just sort of looking at things and looking at the situation and being like… Okay, if I do X assignment to the absolute best of my ability, I get 15 points and that perfect grade, but at what actual cost though, you know? Like I think acknowledging that all of this is a more complicated issue than just like learning to sit down and do it is like, really important. And just, yeah! I think it’s kind of the thing we were talking about earlier about like, just being patient with yourself when you’re trying something new. Like, I think growing up and learning to deal with things in a more healthy and responsible way is a totally new skill! It’s super weird and hard and scary to try. 

R: Yeah, totally! To be at a point where like, I don’t know, you are the one who’s holding yourself accountable and also like, I don’t know. It’s so hard to be nice to yourself while you’re doing it and to like, know when you’re not being nice to yourself, and it’s tough. And I totally agree that it’s a new skill we’re learning. 

E: Totally, awesome. Well, Rosie, thank you so much for talking to me about this today! 

R: Yeah! 

E: Do you have -- I mean, this episode probably won’t go out for another few weeks – do you have any advice, words, thoughts, anything else for people listening or your future self when this comes out? 

R: Yeah, definitely. I think that I would like to tell my future self or anyone out there that’s entering this semester, just that like… I don’t know. I’m graduating in the Spring, which feels cool and also so scary because that means that like, I’m leaving, my friends are leaving, it’s a whole thing. And I was doing some online grocery pickup shopping recently and like, I don’t know why I had this thought, but I was just kind of thinking about how like, I’m at a point in my life where everything feels like it’s in motion and that feels really scary. But there are ways to be grounded in the present moment! Like what we were talking about earlier, that like, it’s important to be present and not just focus on like, the upcoming things or the things you can improve or change. Like it’s important to like, I don’t know, just stop and like, be where you’re at, be where your feet are and stuff. I think that I’m really gonna try hard to do that this semester. I don’t know, if you’re listening, like, I think it’s important to begin to appreciate the moment and I hope you get the chance to do that, whatever way that looks like. 

E: Yeah, totally! That is… you put it into words so well. I feel very similarly. 

R: Thank you, yes! 

E: Yes!


E: Awesome, yeah, and I would also just say that everybody’s working on it. And also I feel super lucky to like, have the privilege of my job being to make better resources for like, myself and also any students listening to this! So please like, if you resonate with any of this, or you don’t, let us know! And like, if you have any problems that you need help with, let us knooow, because… we probably can’t fix it! But we can figure out ways that maybe we can support you as we all try to fix it together, you know? 

R: Totally, exactly, yes! Please hit us up, we have an Instagram @unco_cpe, also check out our website and feel free to message us. We would love to just talk with you and connect with ya. 

E: Yeah! 

R: Thank you so much for having me on this episode Elliot, it was so fun talking to you, and thank you! 

E: Yeah! Yeah, I… yeah, thank you for coming on. I love you and I love talking you all the time. 

(chaotic nonsense excitement noises from both) 

E: Alright, uh, bye! Thanks for listening, bye, woohoo! 

[outro music starts playing]
Elliot: This podcast was recorded in Greeley, Colorado by Elliot Sutton and Rosie Glaser. Editing and mixing by Elliot Sutton. Sorry about the loud laughs, I simply didn’t know how to record properly yet. Our incredible theme music was written by Cole Ramirez. You can listen to more of his stuff on soundcloud, @ Cole Ramirez.  This program was made possible by the University of Northern Colorado’s Office of Health Promotion. We really do want to hear from you, please provide your feedback in any of the channels we’ll link in the description below. Just so you know, our website has episode transcripts as well. Stay safe, and stay cool out there. I love you. Bye.
[music plays out, end of episode]