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Bill Wiltrack
Apprentice
20 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 11 2007 : 05:31:59 AM
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Get in to get out
This kid is sitting in a math class.
Feet planted surely on the floor.
He is totally focused on the immediate surroundings of the classroom that is taking place in which he is a part of.
He is totally focused upon every sound around him.
He checks his intellectual function.
No stray thoughts.
Check physical movement center.
Body is relaxed.
No extra movements.
He is sitting straight up.
No emotion present in him.
Check movement, taking notes.
Listening, reaching out with his attention.
No stray thoughts.
His inner circle of checkpoints quickens.
No stray thoughts.
His total attention is on sound and sights around him.
No extra body movements.
Mental Snapshot of body position.
No emotion present.
The weeks of discipline defined.
The checkpoints quicken.
Suddenly, as if a great weight or heavy wheel began to move.
He begins to sense a nudging of a separation of self.
His thoughts are no longer his.
The movement of the body is not him.
He is looking at himself in a strangely separated deeply sustained way.
He is no longer him.
He looks around to see if anyone notices him.
As he looks he sees his classmates in a unfamiliar way.
They are more him and less of his self.
He can see their thoughts.
Not their actual thoughts but he sees them in their thinking function.
He actually feels; senses; sees the positive aspect of a thinking function in another person.
He can see their essence.
Do they feel it?
And the motion, the great, great weight of the train began to move of its own volition.
The checkpoints no longer necessary must have become automatic.
I’m going out of my mind.
Thoughts are no longer me, images, moving, revealing existence; the revelation.
I’m out of my mind.
Time; no longer linear, now up and down, the tremendous up and down.
A dimension of time and space that cannot be described linearly cannot be understood now that I am back, now that I’ve returned, now that I am repeating.
He remembers “I’m going out of my mind.” was the statement that began to unravel the tremendous motion; it began the unfolding, the return, and his return to hell.
The statement reflected the limit of the boy. It stopped him.
Fear, pure bottomless fear of loosing the self he knows.
This man is sitting at a computer.
All he has now is the surety that there is no death.
A certainty that is anything but comforting at the doorstep of hell. |
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Get In To Get Out
