Dear Ms. Wormwood,
Rumors of the exploits of a boy named Calvin reached our ears some time ago. Intrigued by what we heard, we traveled many days to observe this most unique child. Over the past few months, we have secretly observed Calvin as he went about his life. We couldn't help but notice that, while entertaining (for us anyway!), Calvin's behavior at school is far from productive. The good news is that Calvin is not a lost cause. He is a very bright, clever, and imaginative kid who has simply developed some problematic motivational patterns. Luckily, we are experts in the field of motivation and have devised a comprehensive plan for dealing with Calvin. In fact, we are so intrigued by Calvin that we dedicated five research teams to Calvin's case and had each team construct a comprehensive plan for making changes in the curriculum, instruction, assessment, classroom management, and communication with Calvin's parents. We believe that Calvin will transform from your worst nightmare into one of your most engaging students if you will implement the changes suggested in these plans.
Sincerely,
The Society for Undoing Serious Ills in Education (SUSIE)